This piece was originally performed at the opening of “Look Both Ways: The Illicit Liaison between Images and Information”, at SVA Galleries in New York in the fall of 2019. It was written as an extension of the installation I did for this show, “Soo Hysterical”.
This piece is best read aloud. Note that the Italicized lines should be read softer and the bold text should be read louder. The piece as a whole should be read in a snarky, sing song at a brisk pace. All spaces between lines denote a pause. When additional pause is warranted it is written in red. (Note the word pause is not to be read, it’s just a cue to add additional pause time before going to next line.) But you can also read it however you want.
Things You Need to Know
PAUSE
Opps
I’m Sorry
I just forgot them all ….
I’m So Sorry
I’m So Sorry
But then
That means you won’t have to remember any of them
and anyway
I’m sure
You think you know them all already
Because
We all think we know everything
And
That is one of the things that you should really know
That everyone
All the time
Thinks they know everything
PAUSE
Some other things you might need to know:
Like:
PAUSE
Oh never mind
I mean what good is knowledge without action and everybody’s too busy to act these days
(Walking down the street staring at their phones hoping the world will change while they text
their mother and check all their likes on instagram)
Don’t post this on instagram
PAUSE
Things you need to know
Like:
Life isn’t fair
and it will never be fair
Sooo
Get over it
cause
Then you die, cause everybody dies.
Therefore I was wrong
There is this one thing in life that is fair.
Death
Death is fair
Happens to everyone
Which means
in the some time
not
too distant future you will no longer exist,
you won’t be participating,
you won’t be here
you won’t be telling people what you’re sure you know
and so forth,
you’ll just be gone
So
if you’re going to die
in the not too distant future
PAUSE
PAUSE
So
Nobody
is thinking about you right now, not even
the person across the room who you are sure is
staring straight at you and down your blouse.
It’s not you he’s thinking about
Your Mom probably isn’t thinking of you right now either
(unless you’re texting her instead of listening to me)
You are the only person who thinks about you all the time. The only person.
The only person probably thinking about you yourself right now is you
Sorry that’s just it
I mean
think
or don’t bother
because
everything you need to know you think you already know
PAUSE
Other things you need to know
Like thinking you’re gonna hit the jackpot tomorrow
Well maybe day after tomorrow
BUT
You’re not going to
You’re just not
Except once I had a friend
who
who won the lottery
It just didn’t change his life much
See it never comes true
What I’m trying to say Is this:
Whatever your current plan is – it won’t work out
Try a new one
But that one won’t work out either
So that’s it
Just the way it is
PAUSE
PAUSE
It’s not under the rug
It’s not under the rug
There is nothing you need to know
Nothing you need to know
Because
The humane race is irrelevant
That means you’re irrelevant
And you’re gonna tell me you already know that?
So why are you
still acting like the biggest piece of shit in the middle of the whole damned universe
if you already know that
PAUSE
It’s not under the bed
There is nothing you need to know
The basic human condition is loneliness
You’re always wrong
especially when you’re sure your not
You should know your paying attention to the wrong things
and you won’t know that until its too late
PAUSE
If it isn’t under the rug or the bed maybe it’s behind the refrigerator.
PAUSE
PAUSE
As if
Not True
Want
Need
Never
Never ever
At all
You will never be able to know all the things you need to know.
You will never be able to understand all the things
you already know
And what you think is so important now
won’t be in 5 years (5 mins)
5 5 5
of course in 5 years who knows if you’ll still be alive
do you keep knowing things once you’re dead?
PAUSE
There are no facts of life
Illusion, faith, fear
There’s always that one lucky
Guess
Sometime Somewhere
that works out
I know things you need to know
PAUSE
Mars is Red
The moon is orange
The sky is blue
But not you
Repeat after me
Things never change they just appear to
PAUSE
Repeat after me
PAUSE
PAUSE
If it’s not behind the refrigerator
maybe you put it
in the refrigerator……or in the freezer.
Maybe it got in the laundry by mistake
And so
you think if
you know
just enough of the right stuff
you can be immortal
and then you’ll live while everyone else dies
You’ll never find it
You keep looking in the same places. It’s just not there
Did you look in the bushes?
What is a question
Do you know what a question is?
You lie all the time
Dull, senseless,
pointless,
foolish, tedious, fake
Oh just grow up and quit choking on your own breath While
you’re still trying to breathe it in
Breathe slower
in out
Dull, senseless,
pointless,
Problems are so boring
PAUSE
PAUSE
A very important thing to know
Every spring
they refill the Erie Canal like it’s a giant bathtub
and then every fall
they drain all the water out.
Next year repeat
And repeat again
Just for the hell of it
Once upon a time just like all the other times
Once upon a time
At the fork in the road
I was thinking
Just so you know
Nothing
Nothing
Do you know what nothing is?
Nothing at all
The center of a big black hole
Nothing
Not knowledge
or
knowledge before knowledge
foreknowledge
Also
All the things you’ll
never ever
be able to do
And La de da de da
Did you look in the bushes?
Not there
Nothing interesting
Don’t look
what’s the point
The sky will fall
The sky is blue
The sun is bright yellow
Do, don’t, won’t, will
PAUSE
PAUSE
It’s very important to know that
Sometime
Somethings
should never be
But I can’t tell you
Because I’ve forgotten them all
Sorry
So Sorry
Hysterical
PAUSE
Soooo
Hysterical
But first
First things first
Get this straight
Know each other
Knowing each other
Having had knowledge of the other
Do you fully understand
It’s not under the rug
It’s not under the bed
It’s not in the bushes
It’s not behind the refrigerator
It’s not in the laundry
You should know where it is
You’ve been looking long enough
PAUSE
There are many things you should know
And I’m not going to tell you
PAUSE
It’s all common knowledge
Just guessing
Including
Because of
PAUSE
Don’t be greedy
Everything you’ve ever forgotten
and
everything you’ve always
wished
you could forget
Forget
How did you start your day?
I want you to know
That you’re dying right now
as you listen to me
Oh didn’t mean to bring that up again
That’s been discussed elsewhere
Sorry
How did you start your day?
You’re such a beautiful person for taking the time to listen to me.
I hope you learned all about all the important things
Important things to know.